I didn't realise it was your blood on my hands, in my mouth, soaking through my skin to rot my bones. I didn't realise it was you shouting my name, holding me close, licking each wound with an acid touch.

I didn't want it to be you.

I wanted you dead, alive, near me, faraway. I wanted you inside me, on top of me, hanging by a rope, with your feet dangling at my head.

I didn't know what I wanted.

I wanted you to realise, understand, and accept me as I am. I wanted you to tell me the truth and lie to me, all at the same time. I wanted you to love me, hate me, murder me, and fuck me.

I wanted you to be mine.

I wanted you with your hand on the trigger to blow me away, with your hand on the hammer to force the last nail into my coffin. I wanted you to kill me I wanted to kill you. I wanted to bathe in your blood, fuck on your fresh grave; I wanted the same respect from you.

I wanted to be left for dead.

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